overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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