where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
