i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
