Christians are straight up FREAKS
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
