My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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