dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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