I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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