You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
