I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
