I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
