My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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