I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
