So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
