Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize