i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
