Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize