my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
