Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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