38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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