Don't make out with my wife yet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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