No stitches, just platelets and will power
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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