Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize