John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
