I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
