Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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