I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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