I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
