is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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