hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
