We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize