I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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