Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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