Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
