went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The air taste purple.
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