I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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