I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize