when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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