Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize