It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
