That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
