new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
