I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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