I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
