Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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