fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
