All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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