Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
