the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
