accomplished twins. life is a go
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize