Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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