wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
