were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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