She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
