I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
