all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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