God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
