I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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