The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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