chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
