you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
whose parrot is this?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
