I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize