I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
