maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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