You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize