You work out of a Hotel?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
