Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
