Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
one might say we're banned from that church
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize