I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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