Im at strip club and am horny
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
