She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
