It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
