Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent

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(206): View more from Washington

I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

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(517): View more from Michigan

My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.

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(949): View more from California

Are you going to regret this?

(404): View more from Georgia

No I do t think so

(949): View more from California

Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.

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