he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
