Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
