And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Less talking, more tequila
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
