went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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