It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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