Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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