you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
