Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
