just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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