I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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