some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
